Lord of the Flies: Journal #4

Chapter 4 - Painted Faces & Long Hair

I Hate to Admit it.. But I Messed Up - by Jack

You better not tell anyone, If you do i will hurt you, but I really messed up today.  How could I be so obsessed with killing that pig  and  when I finally did kill it the fealing wasn't as good as I thought it would be, I mean I was really proud of myself at first, but then I realized that it wasn't worth it. I mean Ralph said he saw a ship, we could have been rescued, we could've gone back home, the pig was definatly not worth that.  

It's just that I felt like I had to kill that pig.  On that first day that we came on this island and I had a perfect shot to kill the pig, but when it came down to kill it I just could'nt do it.  I mean Iv'e never killed anything in my life ever, I mean I've killed flies but that dosen't count.  I just felt like I had to prove myself, I'm the leader of the hunters, and if I can't kill a pig then no one should be able to.

So much was going on today, everyone was so blant.  How was I supposed to know that today out of all days a ship would accually pass by today.  I mean really out of all the moments for a ship to pass by it had to pass by the day I took the twins to help me.  Even when the smoke did go out, the twins probobly woulden't be able to put it back on by themselves anyway.  I don't know why Ralph got so mad at me, his attitude was so belligarant and he looked at me so malevontly all day, it wasen't compleatly my fault, well... I guess it kind of was...